Sunday, November 28, 2010
Daughter #1
Alex is 14 now. She was a bit more reserved and much more conscientious about the other people milling around. She was certain they were looking at us and thinking we were weird because well, she thought we were weird. Eventually she gave up and joined us.
Daughter #4
And then there is Grace, who loves to pose. That's ok though, because it gives me plenty of opportunity to practice my photography skills.
Daughter #3
Don't you just love it when you take some pictures that totally capture your child's personality? These pictures were taken when we were just out having some family fun and the girls started cutting loose....priceless!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Thoughts on Life...
Last month marked one year since my friends dumped me. Why is it that we are aware of and make note of the passing of time in such ways....ways that are marked by painful events? I don't know the answer to that question, but in reflecting on the past year and the lessons I have learned I have found answers to some different questions.
I've come to realize that each life is a collection of stories--our stories. The meaning of these stories will often be unclear. The cowboy standing on the dusty trail may wonder to himself—did he find a rope or lose a horse? Often we will wonder what the meaning is to our own stories. Each of us has the opportunity to interpret our own. In every lesson and every experience are the seeds of exasperation or inspiration. We get to choose. We can add up our experiences to create a story of injustice and pain...which we will have plenty of data on. Or we can take the very same experiences and organize them to create meaning, to inspire gratitude, and to develop character.
The most poignant parts of our stories are the parts that tell how our hearts were handled. The truth is that while we may fantasize about how things "should" be, we don't live in fantasies. I do believe, however, that we live in fairytales. Witches also live in fairytales, villains must be fought in fairytales and in fairytales, the damsel is in distress.
Our stories are pieces of a bigger story. Each of us has an irreplaceable part to play in this story. Each of us must face and defeat our own villains. And so for the past year, I've been facing and in many cases defeating my own villains in my own story. Many of the villains over the past year came in the form of beliefs.
One of the beliefs I have battled the most is the belief that "I am just not that girl..." and I can fill in the rest of that with a myriad of statements. Here is where I have to give thanks to a very loving Heavenly Father who has helped me battle these villains by arming me with the weapon of truth. He has told us that "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." Then he goes on to tell us "I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life". Many of us live with labels that God did not intend for us. What I have learned this past year is that the truth of who He says you are is stronger than any circumstance or label the world puts on you. One of the biggest obstacles we encounter to this is forgetfulness. When we forget who we are, we forget who God sees us as...and we forget the story we are living in. But when we stay with our questions, or in my case...my question of what kind of girl am I...and stay with that question often, we start to remember. And we begin to see who He sees us as. So in this season of giving gratitude and remembrance of what our stories are all about, I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for loving me for exactly who I am. For letting me be the author of my story and for staying with me through tough chapters. I am also very grateful for many dear friends, family members and associates, both old and new, who have shown up at my door, called, ordered a delivery for me, listened, asked and were a part of delivering the message to me that I am exactly that kind of girl and I love it!!
I've come to realize that each life is a collection of stories--our stories. The meaning of these stories will often be unclear. The cowboy standing on the dusty trail may wonder to himself—did he find a rope or lose a horse? Often we will wonder what the meaning is to our own stories. Each of us has the opportunity to interpret our own. In every lesson and every experience are the seeds of exasperation or inspiration. We get to choose. We can add up our experiences to create a story of injustice and pain...which we will have plenty of data on. Or we can take the very same experiences and organize them to create meaning, to inspire gratitude, and to develop character.
The most poignant parts of our stories are the parts that tell how our hearts were handled. The truth is that while we may fantasize about how things "should" be, we don't live in fantasies. I do believe, however, that we live in fairytales. Witches also live in fairytales, villains must be fought in fairytales and in fairytales, the damsel is in distress.
Our stories are pieces of a bigger story. Each of us has an irreplaceable part to play in this story. Each of us must face and defeat our own villains. And so for the past year, I've been facing and in many cases defeating my own villains in my own story. Many of the villains over the past year came in the form of beliefs.
One of the beliefs I have battled the most is the belief that "I am just not that girl..." and I can fill in the rest of that with a myriad of statements. Here is where I have to give thanks to a very loving Heavenly Father who has helped me battle these villains by arming me with the weapon of truth. He has told us that "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." Then he goes on to tell us "I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life". Many of us live with labels that God did not intend for us. What I have learned this past year is that the truth of who He says you are is stronger than any circumstance or label the world puts on you. One of the biggest obstacles we encounter to this is forgetfulness. When we forget who we are, we forget who God sees us as...and we forget the story we are living in. But when we stay with our questions, or in my case...my question of what kind of girl am I...and stay with that question often, we start to remember. And we begin to see who He sees us as. So in this season of giving gratitude and remembrance of what our stories are all about, I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for loving me for exactly who I am. For letting me be the author of my story and for staying with me through tough chapters. I am also very grateful for many dear friends, family members and associates, both old and new, who have shown up at my door, called, ordered a delivery for me, listened, asked and were a part of delivering the message to me that I am exactly that kind of girl and I love it!!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Strikers Cup Tournament 2010
Sidney has started back playing soccer and played in this tournament. Both girls' teams took the Gold! It was so much fun watching both of them play!!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Sidney's book
Ive decided when my girls turn 12 to give them a book that I make of pictures of them through the years and thoughts I have as a mom looking back. It's a way to mark the transition from childhood to young woman. Sidney's birthday is coming up in April and so I've been working on her book. I thought I'd do a slide show of some of the pictures included in her book and showcase her through the years. What a precious little girl she was and what a beautiful young woman she is now!
Friday, February 26, 2010
I'm Back!
It has been months since I last posted anything on my blog. Prior to my last post it had been months as well. I guess I was just not feeling creative, had nothing to say...I was in a funk! I know a lot of people had hardships in 2009, we were no exception. We were affected by the usual things in 2009, but for me I found 2009 to be hard for my own personal reasons and I feel like I'm ready to write about it. I also figure, that since I've been such a slacker on my blog, nobody is continuing to follow it anyway, so I might as well use this post to help sort out what has been going on in my head and my heart.
I've heard it said that some years are questions and other years are answers. I feel like 2009 brought up one question after the other. Finally, finally in 2010 I'm beginning to realize many answers to those questions. However, it has been a long hard road, as it usually is, to come to those answers. Many of my questions surfaced through relationships. This is not untypical for me and probably has something to do with why I chose the career that I did. I have to clarify here, that for the most part, Jeff is off the hook. Sure, we had some rough times as he went through the usual struggles of opening a business, working with a partner, establishing a company and being self-employed. Fortunately, through all of these struggles we were able to find our way back to each other and remember that we really do like each other and I would have to say it made us stronger as a couple. I am lucky for him in my life!!
Unfortunately, two of my closest friends, who I met when we moved into this house, decided that they no longer wanted to be friends with me. My feelings about this have spanned the gammut. I have felt embarrassed, heartbroken, overwhelming sadness, anger, and confusion...just to name a few. For me, one of the things that made it so hard was that I don't believe that anything that happened warranted ending a friendship over. I don't think anything was "unforgiveable" and I honestly believed we could get through any difficulties and this would be a lifelong friendship. However, in the end, it was their decision that they could no longer be friends with me because of who I am and how I am. There was a lot of hurtful things said and I wanted to shrink out of sight. I couldn't shrink out of sight though and in pressing forward, I have learned some very valuable lessons. Ones that I want to write down so I will remember.
One of the things I have learned is that in the vast scheme of things, we're not very different. No matter where we come from, our backgrounds, our vast talents and abilities, our life experiences...everything that could potentially make us different, actually brings us together and makes us very much the same. We are all just people striving to do our best in our own little corner of life. We all long to be loved, to give love, to find happiness and to feel safe and secure.
Unfortunately, many of us don't focus on our similarities and instead allow our insecurities to focus on the faults of others or our differences. I have found that through this process it really challenged me to look at who I am and how I am. I don't think I'm perfect and by no means do I think I know everything, but I will say that I know more now about who I am and this process has made who I am even stronger. For the most part, I like who I am and I feel peace about who I am and how I am. I admit I have my failings, my bad days, and my moments of doubt. But through my life and all of my experiences, I have learned to truly accept myself for who I am...the good, the bad, the beautiful and the sometimes ugly and unruly.
This process has also challenged some of my beliefs about relationships and friendships, but at the end it brought me back full circle and re-enforced my beliefs that friendship is priceless, relationships are hard, but worth the effort, and that nothing we can attain in this life is greater than the relationships we create with others. So my hope for this year is to become even more of the kind of person who makes others feel good about who they are and also to surround myself with people who do the same for me. I have wonderful people in my life and to all of you out there who may still be reading my blog....thank-you for your friendship!!
A client of mine shared this poem with me and it very much reflects the struggles, the thoughts and the conclusions that I've come to....
A Moment of Me
At this moment I am just Me, the real me, only me.
Not wishing I were another,
Not pretending I were another.
Not envying another,
Not controlling another.
Not competing with another,
Not hiding behind another.
Facing the demands of me,
Alone,
Unmasked,
Imperfect me.
I am happy in this moment of Me!
--Mindika Nordfelt Thiebaud
I've heard it said that some years are questions and other years are answers. I feel like 2009 brought up one question after the other. Finally, finally in 2010 I'm beginning to realize many answers to those questions. However, it has been a long hard road, as it usually is, to come to those answers. Many of my questions surfaced through relationships. This is not untypical for me and probably has something to do with why I chose the career that I did. I have to clarify here, that for the most part, Jeff is off the hook. Sure, we had some rough times as he went through the usual struggles of opening a business, working with a partner, establishing a company and being self-employed. Fortunately, through all of these struggles we were able to find our way back to each other and remember that we really do like each other and I would have to say it made us stronger as a couple. I am lucky for him in my life!!
Unfortunately, two of my closest friends, who I met when we moved into this house, decided that they no longer wanted to be friends with me. My feelings about this have spanned the gammut. I have felt embarrassed, heartbroken, overwhelming sadness, anger, and confusion...just to name a few. For me, one of the things that made it so hard was that I don't believe that anything that happened warranted ending a friendship over. I don't think anything was "unforgiveable" and I honestly believed we could get through any difficulties and this would be a lifelong friendship. However, in the end, it was their decision that they could no longer be friends with me because of who I am and how I am. There was a lot of hurtful things said and I wanted to shrink out of sight. I couldn't shrink out of sight though and in pressing forward, I have learned some very valuable lessons. Ones that I want to write down so I will remember.
One of the things I have learned is that in the vast scheme of things, we're not very different. No matter where we come from, our backgrounds, our vast talents and abilities, our life experiences...everything that could potentially make us different, actually brings us together and makes us very much the same. We are all just people striving to do our best in our own little corner of life. We all long to be loved, to give love, to find happiness and to feel safe and secure.
Unfortunately, many of us don't focus on our similarities and instead allow our insecurities to focus on the faults of others or our differences. I have found that through this process it really challenged me to look at who I am and how I am. I don't think I'm perfect and by no means do I think I know everything, but I will say that I know more now about who I am and this process has made who I am even stronger. For the most part, I like who I am and I feel peace about who I am and how I am. I admit I have my failings, my bad days, and my moments of doubt. But through my life and all of my experiences, I have learned to truly accept myself for who I am...the good, the bad, the beautiful and the sometimes ugly and unruly.
This process has also challenged some of my beliefs about relationships and friendships, but at the end it brought me back full circle and re-enforced my beliefs that friendship is priceless, relationships are hard, but worth the effort, and that nothing we can attain in this life is greater than the relationships we create with others. So my hope for this year is to become even more of the kind of person who makes others feel good about who they are and also to surround myself with people who do the same for me. I have wonderful people in my life and to all of you out there who may still be reading my blog....thank-you for your friendship!!
A client of mine shared this poem with me and it very much reflects the struggles, the thoughts and the conclusions that I've come to....
A Moment of Me
At this moment I am just Me, the real me, only me.
Not wishing I were another,
Not pretending I were another.
Not envying another,
Not controlling another.
Not competing with another,
Not hiding behind another.
Facing the demands of me,
Alone,
Unmasked,
Imperfect me.
I am happy in this moment of Me!
--Mindika Nordfelt Thiebaud
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